"Kevin Garnett: Straight-Up Nuts Or Crazy Like A Boxer?" or "Deep Impact: Kevin Garnett Pioneers Trend Down Low"

I don't know about you guys, but I love watching the copycats come meowing out of the alleyways when someone popular or influential does something that gets noticed, and then everybody tries to follow their lead acting as if they were the ones who originated "The Cool."

Well, I'm here to make sure that one of my favorite players and one of the greatest Celtics of all-time gets his proper due as the winner, trendsetter and creative genius that he is.

Kevin Garnett has long been recognized as one of those true superstars of the game who come along only once in a blue (and green?) moon and do SO many things in such a way that they become prototypical for players at their position for years to come. He's redefined the job specs for Power Forwards in the League, infusing the spot with a versatility and ferocious brand of defense heretofore unseen in such a lean, mean package. And now, as he has been for the past couple of years, KG is on a mission to try and conquor the Center position as well, even at the (by NBA standards) advanced age of 36.

Standing now on the precipice of yet another defining moment, the proper kudos should be given to KG for the latest in-game fad that, while he didn't exactly introduce it to the League, has garnered its share of attention as others have begun utilizing it with the kind of flair and confidence that could only have been nurtured by watching a star of KG's caliber execute it to perfection.

But, what is this painfully primal practice to which I am referring? Why, I'm talking about that timeless crunching classic, that surefire shot, that tried-and-true tapper so popular that it has not only propelled the program America's Funniest Home Videos to the pinnacle of pugilistic pageantry making them the grand high kings of comedic culture, it has also enabled them to celebrate an amazing (and some might say agonizingly achieved) milestone (more on this later) recently. I speak, of course, about the act and the art of hitting, slapping or punching another human male "where the sun don't usually shine."

The art of the Nutcracker -- or Junkshot, if you will -- has made a crushing comeback on NBA courts around the country this season and, if this lake is traced back directly to its tributary, one can only end their noble journey at the feet (and hand) of that Celtic trailblazer (now THAT'S an oxymoron if I ever heard one!) The Big Ticket himself. Or had you forgotten his magnificent marble masher against Phoenix Sun Chandler Frye back in 2011?

Now, I know what some of you are thinking: "If Garnett is such a trendsetter, why did it take so long for the 'Sack Snap' -- or Oyster Shooter, if you will -- to catch on?" My answer to you is: "I. Don't. Know."

The best that I can assume is that, like many transformative trends, it took a while to catch fire, much as the hot of-the-moment fashions of Paris eventually find their way to Los Angeles and New York months later (and to the middle states a few years after that); like old sitcoms -- "Everybody Loves Raymond," for instance -- that trickle over time to the likes of Sweden years later as "Alla älskar Raymond" or something of that nature, so, too does the inherent genius of a player of Garnett's ilk take its time to marinate and flavor the NBA like a nice, juicy steak.

Scoff you may, but this ball-busting trend seems to be swelling by the day. Remember this special Christmas delivery from DeMarcus Cousins to O.J. Mayo back in December?

And, most recently, taking the trend to a new high...er, low...shot-blocker turned *ock-socker Serge Ibaka of the Oklahoma City Thunder practiced against the privates of the league's top ball-slammer Blake Griffin of the Los Angeles Clippers:

The NBA has fined Oklahoma City’s Serge Ibaka $25,000 for striking Blake Griffin of the Los Angeles Clippers in the groin area.

The incident, which was called a Flagrant Foul 1 on the floor and upgraded to a Flagrant Foul 2 upon league office review, occurred with 1:52 remaining in the fourth quarter of the Thunder’s 108-104 win over the Clippers on Sunday, March 3 at Staples Center.

The announcement was made by Stu Jackson, NBA Executive Vice President, Basketball Operations.

-- HoopsWorld.com

Ouch.

In fact, this trend is becoming such a hit that some of the game's most notorious...ahhh...ball-busters are lamenting the fact that they're perhaps too late to the party:

Now, you KNOW that if a guy like Matt Barnes wishes he could do it, it MUST be bad@$$!

And, just think about the marketing possibilities that abound for players if the "Whack-A-Sack" becomes a signature move in the NBA: protective groin cups will make a comeback, opening up yet another revenue stream for endorsement-hungry players -- "Hi, my name is LeBron James and I'm a professional basketball player for the Miami Heat. I'm committed to helping my team win not just one Championship, so I don't have time to be laying on the court tucked into the fetal position crying like a little b*tch after some lower-level @$$hole takes a swipe at the 'Little King.' That's why I wear (insert cool new protective groin cup company here)."

Maybe they can turn those hot magnetic bracelets into a waist chain that helps build a force field that protects "what lies beneath," or on the offensive side, maybe they can sell wrist workout tapes designed to help you build the strength and stamina needed to pull off the proper "*ick flick." Back again to prevention, maybe they could market a new kind of "Icy Hot" geared specifically for the nether-region that renders the vulnerable area sensation-free in the event of a "Sack Attack." This may even come in handy for many players who tend to -- how should we say? -- "give the fans what they want" which can sometimes lead to a severe case of "brain strain," if you will.

But, of course, just as any popular trend will tend to produce scores of supporters, so too, do they attract members of the "No-Fun Brigade" who are always eager to step up to try and throw a cold, wet blanket over the entire proceeding:

I guess, in the end, it's probably for the best. After all, as the saying goes, the best are often imitated but never duplicated and I firmly believe that none of these "Weed Wackers," if you will, will ever be able to hold a candle to a true original like KG. Besides, if the NBA "Number Crunchers," if you will, keep going at this clip, guys like Tom Bergeron -- host of the above referenced America's Funniest Home Videos -- will eventually have nowhere to store all of that footage...

While he, of course, noted with a laugh that in the 500^th episode “they’ll be a lot more people falling down and doing ridiculous things,” Bergeron also revealed there would be another milestone for the show that same night: the 1,000,000 groin shot.

No, perhaps we should just put this topic on ice, let the burning questions cool and recede after one last hand for Kevin Garnett, and take the knee on this one...

Celtics Contemplate Life Without Rondo After Icing The Heat: 100-98

At long last...

{A series of unfortunate events have conspired to prevent me from getting this story posted, but as such, I've had the benefit of letting the dust settle a bit since Sunday's "Bag Of Dead Cats" announcement concerning the Celtics most mercurial leader.}

GIF by @jose3030

Lets get the obvious out of the way early (well, early in this post, anyway), okay? The Celtics are going to miss Rajon Rondo in a big way...no two ways about it. He is a superstar hitting his prime on a team with two game-but-aging veterans and a collection of talent that have undoubtedly benefitted from his abilities, leadership and drive.

What the Celtics do from here to try and mitigate his absence and my layman's opinion/prediction about their success? Well...lets deal with that a little bit later in the post. First, I want to start by celebrating the C's resilience in bouncing back against the Champion Miami Heat.

The recap, as old as it may now seem:
In what was truly an entertaining matchup of Eastern Conference Contenders (yes, I'm among the other Greenheadz who are not taking the easy "C's are dead without Rondo" bailout), the Celtics not only held their own, they up and snatched Miami's as well. Despite the circus atmosphere attributable to "The Return Of Ray Allen" and the loss of Rondo (originally scratched from the lineup due, it was believed, to a balky hamstring), the Celtics were able to chuckle in adversity's grill with a display of such defensive fortitude and offensive firepower that one can only call it by its proper name: Celtic Pride.


Paul Pierce assumed his default position in all cases of Rondolessness -- the Point Forward -- and responded with his first triple-double in three years (though he HAS achieved 8 of 'em throughout a storied career), Kevin Garnett took another dip in the Cocoon tide-pool (to be fair, his entire season has been Cocoon-esque), and the C's got strong offensive contributions from Jeff Green (who also defended the Hell out of LeBron James -- 34-point outburst not withstanding), Jason Terry, Leandro Barbosa, Avery Bradley and Jared Sullinger. Courtney Lee provided needed ballhandling and defense and the Celtics battled through two overtimes before wresting the game from the defending champs.

Pierce's contribution of 17 points, 13 rebounds, 10 assists, 1 steal and 1 block was especially sweet as some of his damage was inflicted against a spry Ray Allen; and Garnett's 24 points, 11 boards, 4 assists, 2 steals and 3 blocks was straight out of his 2008 "Playbook of Dominance."


Oh, and that Allen guy? he scored 21 points on 7-17 shooting. Chris Bosh (the only member of Miami's "large four" to shoot 50% or above with a line of 7-12) was a problem with 16 points, 16 rebounds and a block; and Dwyane Wade scored 17 points on 6-20 shooting to go with 7 assists, 4 rebounds, 2 steals and 1 block; while LeBron got his final score by throwing up 31 shots (making 14), and added 16 rebounds 7 assists, 3 steals and 1 block.

But, for all their scoring and rebounding, the Heat as a team were still out-assisted (even in Rondo's absence!), outsmarted (21 turnovers to the C's 17), and -- in the end -- outscored.

Box Score

Tale Of The Tape

Now...about the Celtics and the first day of the rest of their collective L.W.R. (Life Without Rondo)...

Many, many and by many I mean MANY sportswriters, pundits, bloggers, coaches and players have offered their myriad opinions about what the loss of Rondo means and what the Celtics should do moving forward.

Two of the better articles that have been written to date about the subject come by way of Chad Finn of the Boston Globe's "Touching All The Bases" column, who had one of the most cogent if not sentimental articles that deal with the realities of the team trying to make its way without Rondo and the plea not to trade Pierce, and the other was written by Zach Lowe of Grantland.com who presents a staggering array of trade scenarios that the Celtics are either rumored to be considering or are considered to be rumors they should be considering.


There have been reports of rumors of gossipped hearsay that has Kyle Lowrey coming in and Lee going out...Delonte West coming back, looking for Agent Zero to be a hero, a countdown to Keyon Dooling (no fooling!), a Jose Calderon to call our own and Pierce going everywhere from Memphis to LA to Moscow for Rudy Gay, Marcia Gay Harden and the greatest hits of Marvin Gaye.

As for what I think...well, if you've been to this blog before, you know that I come from that familiar but rapidly dwindling species: the Loyal and Eternal Optimist. I think the C's should do nothing more than keep what they have and add to the crew with free agency to fill the open slots that were created with the cuts of Kris Joseph and Jarvis Varnado and possibly utilize an injury exception -- if the C's apply and the League grants it.

But, I'll save the speculation for another day...for me, it's too soon in the wake of the Rondoldroms setting in. Maybe a little time and a Kings game in between will suffice. Maybe...

Still, without even waiting to see what the Celtics elect to do...some of you Chicken Little types have already sounded the death knell on Season 2012-2013. That's fine...you can do that if you want...whatever gets you through the night...

But, me? I'm standing with Doc...I refuse to pronounce this team deceased at 1:35 p.m. on Sunday, January 27th, 2013 -- cause of death: L.O.R. (Loss of Rondo).

 

No. Instead, I'm going to watch this team and see how they respond, whether they struggle and achieve in the face if adversity or they use the loss as an excuse and fold tents for the rest of the year and effectively end the "New Big Three Era" as we've come to know it.

I'm betting on the achievement in the face of adversity thing. But, then again, what do I know? I'm just one in a handful of Loyal Eternal Optimist Greenheadz.

 

 

Heat, Allen Scorch Celtics In "Ring Night" Opener

Well, that didn’t go so well.

After the ring ceremony for the (prepare to hold nose in 3...2...1) Wurdd Chabbiod Biabi Heed (release nose...), the Boston Celtics proceeded to drop their season starter in Miami by an unlucky thirteen points.

In a game marked by the debut in a Heat uni of newly hired gun, Benedict Ray Allen, who put up 19 ultra-nonchalant, "in your green mugs" points on 5-7 shooting – 2-3 on threes (hey, at least he missed one of his eight free throws!), the Celtics seemed more interested in reintroducing themselves to each other than defending "The Other Three" of Dwyane Wade (29 aggressive points), LeBron James (26pts and 10 rebounds in just 29 minutes!), and Chris Bosh – 19 points, 10 rebounds and 3 rejections.

When they weren’t busy avoiding the amorous advances of Brutus Allen (Garnett’s refusal to acknowledge him was both hilarious and somewhat sad), the C’s started out energetically enough with Paul Pierce and Rajon Rondo setting the pace. Pierce ended with a very Truth-like line, scoring 23 points on 6-15 shooting with two threes – one of which he hailed a cab and rode out onto Miami Beach to launch - 9-9 at the charity stripe, 5 boards, 5 assists and 2 steals). Rondo was typically spectacular, if not completely focused, with 20 points on 9-14 shooting, 13 assists (there’s that unlucky number again), and seven rebounds. They even clawed back out of a 19-point hole to get within three (offensive catalyst Leandro "The Brazilian Blur" Barbosa had a very productive night essentially scoring a point for every minute he played – 16 – on 6-8 shooting with 3 threes), but it was the disjointed plays in between, showcasing lackluster defensive cohesion and turnovers (16) that ultimately did the C’s in.

Bright spots – not including the Captain, Rondo and Barbosa – was a workmanlike Brandon Bass who shrugged off all of the "will he start or come off the bench?" blather by scoring 15 points on 6-11 shooting and snagging 11 caroms – second most on the team. Despite a team-high 12 boards, Kevin Garnett looked a bit off his game scoring only 9 points on a still-efficient 4-8 shooting night, however he did have two blocks – one of which was a LeBron shot attempt that found its way to the same spot on Miami Beach that Double-P hit from. Courtney Lee also valiantly battled Wade all night, racking up five fouls to go along with 11 points on marksman-like shooting – going 5-6 from the floor and 1-1 on threes.

Jeff Green nearly managed to undo a pre-season’s worth of praise with a Halloween-esque performance in which he seemed to portray a headless horseman frantically searching about for a pumpkin to rest on his neck-stump. He finished with 3 points – all on free throws – missing all of his four attempts from the floor and he pulled in just 3 rebounds.

But, fear not True Believers...though the media, fans and the Celtics themselves took on extreme pressure by labeling Miami Public Enemy #1 throughout the entirety of the pre-season, the general lack of cohesion should be expected from a team featuring ten out of fifteen players who didn’t play a single game for the Boston Celtics last year. Okay, Chris Wilcox DID manage to play 28 games for the C’s before leaving the team for open heart surgery, which he isn’t completely recovered from, but...

The silver lining: A) The C’s showed flashes of a potentially devastating and lethal offensive dominance, partly based on; B) the running game. Soak that in, C’s fans. The Celtics have a running game. After 6 years quarterbacking a team full of mostly St. Bernards, Greyhound Rondo now has a quick and athletic pack to run the NBA countryside with. In fact, this season, the C’s running game is going to be even more impressive than the New England Patriots’ newfound ground attack. Mark. My. Words.; C) Rajon Rondo carried over his aggressive play from the 2012 Playoffs and didn’t shy away from taking the jumper when it presented itself, and Pierce looks to have his old reliable Truthness back after the sprained knee that drained him of his effectiveness throughout last year’s playoffs. Oh yeah, and Rondo tried to clothesline Wade, so THAT’S nice.

As I told a couple of friends who were texting me their concerns throughout the game, this team’s gonna be alllllrriiiigghhht. Don’t you worry. It’s going to take some games for the new guys to figure out where they’re supposed to be in the defensive schemes and where to be in the offense, but when they do...remember that scene in Space Jam when the little aliens touched the magic basketball?

One game down. Eighty-one left to go. This is gonna be one hell of a ride...