Are you freakin' serious!?!? Did the "rebuilding" Boston Celtics just stick it to the defending champion Miami Heat? With a game winning 3?! In their own building?!?!?!
Yes!! Yes, sportsfans...this really happened! After continuous (and mostly negative) comparisons to Paul Pierce as in "Jesus, Jeff...you're the new Paul Pierce, for Christ's sake!! You have to start being our go-to guy!!", Mean Jeff Green threw up the middle finger to haters everywhere and sank the game winner right in LeBron's face!
With the Celtics down two following a classic tank job at the free-throw line by Dwyane Wade who missed two freebies that would have iced the game for the Heat, Jeff Green raised up, up, up over LeBron's outstretched arms and calmly made like M.C. Hammer, not only saying "You Can't Touch This" to South Beach's Number 6, but proving that he was "2 Legit To Quit." Okay, even I know how bad that last sentence was, but what can I say? I'm still delirious from passing out after "The Shot" happened.
But, as much as I would love to continue talking about that incredible and unexpected win, I wanted to do something a little bit different. Sure, other blogs and sports sites will show you photos like the ones above that display in full glory the afterglow of the win, but I'd like to bring fans the stories behind the story.
And, what I am about to reveal could change the way we look at the National Basketball Association forever.
Without further ado...the win in pictures.
While others looked at the series of photos above and reveled at the sight of Jeff Green floating as his shot found its way across the arena and through the basket, I took a closer look at the photos to reveal the truth (No, not THAT Truth...though Jay Gee certainly seemed to be channeling his inner Captain).
God favors the Boston Celtics. I know, I know...but read on...if you dare.
As the shot went up, this Miami-based Celtics fan put in a special request with the man upstairs...
And, as we all know very well, the Miami Heat represent the Devil...I mean, come on...as if the red uniforms, flame at the tip of the "T" in "Heat" (which, by the way, resembles a pitchfork with missing prongs), and the reference to the more-than-balmy temperatures down under the down under didn't already give it away, you have LeBron, Wade, Bosh AND Battier on the same team? And, Chalmers...don't EVEN get me started with Chalmers!
Anyway, in this battle of good vs. evil, clearly, God won this round. Just look at how the Devil's minions reacted to the sight of pure goodness as it flooded the arena...
Many of them appeared to feel the light of righteousness entering through their heads.
It was apparently too much for this guy, as he began to head for the exit even as the ball soared to its glorious destiny...
Say what you will about Miami fans, though (and there IS plenty to say!) they sure do know their famous paintings. Several of them chose to deal with their pain by emulating a well-known Edvard Munch work of art...
Scream 1
Scream 2
Clearly, though...this one really put a hurt on Heat fans right where it counts...
So, as everybody undoubtedly knows by now, the Los Angeles Lakers -- minus The Cookie Monster -- sauntered into town carrying with them the swagger of a team with a 6-1 record in their last 7 games. And, as we all know, they left dragging the confidence of an 8-year-old child wandering alone through a dark haunted house full of corners.
The Celtics? They just keep chugging along like a steaming locomotive, unaware that its back car has detached and the coal supply is dangerously low. They're riding their second six-game winning streak of the season and have continued to laugh heartily, even derisively, in the face of the adversity they've battled in recent weeks with the loss of their rebounding rookie phenom Jared Sullinger and fearlessly-leading fuel source Rajon Rondo.
By rights, when you lose your best player and offensive pilot, your team is supposed to flop to the ground and flounder like a fish looking for water. With reasonable expectation, a team that loses one of the few able-bodied rebounders and interior scorers it has, it is not supposed to be able to outrebound or score more points in the paint then their opponents, but that's what the Celtics did against the Lakers, grabbing 5 more boards and outscoring L.A. by a gaudy sum: 58-36.
And, yes, though the Lakers have endured even more downs than the Celtics have this season, the C's current heady play -- particularly that of 36-year-old PF/C Garnett and 35-year-old F Pierce -- following the loss of their most important player is only the most recent evidence that has been accrued in a theory that I've been working on for quite some time. I believe that they've been getting some outside help from an unlikely source and I'm not talking about PED's, and I'm CERTAINLY not talking about the NBA referee corps.
No, that source that I am referencing is far more shocking than you may imagine. I believe that the Celtics have been getting the backdoor assist from none other than the Dark Deceiver, the Prince of Darkness, He Whose Name Shall Not Be Spoken himself...The Devil.
Now, I know
what you're thinking..."Doesn't the Devil play for the Lakers?" Well, no. He doesn't. He doesn't play for anyone. He's merely content to steal players' souls, enter into promising looking contracts backloaded with numerous trick-kickers, and generally mess with players' fragile egos while disrupting team balance.
How else to explain KG's Dorian Gray-esque youthfulness? Or the Phoenix-like rise of Captain Pierce after a string of games in which he appeared to be feeling every bit his age, only to spring to life with the unfortunate injury to Rondo (don't even get me started about correlation between his double-digit assists streak and recent season-ending knee injury!). Or the fact that players of Jason Collins and Darko Milicic's caliber found themselves on a team with so many future Hall of Famers (okay, now THAT was the Devil speaking through me. I apologize.).
Going back a few years, just think about the amazing good fortune that the C's came into in the assembling of the new Big Three after a series of seemingly unfortunate events. As we all can remember, the Celtics -- the team with the second-best chance to land the top pick in the lottery -- finishes out of contention for Kevin Durant or Greg Oden in the fifth spot, only to land the game's best power forward in Garnett and best shooter in Ray Allen via trades to pair with one of the best forwards in Pierce. The Celtics most certainly would have drafted Oden, and you see what MX-Missile they dodged on THAT score. All they got for their "bad luck" in the draft lottery was a magical run to capture the Championship that very same year.
How about the more recent past and the trade that sent Kendrick Perkins to Oklahoma City for the extremely gifted youth and promise of Jeff Green (whom we drafted then traded for Ray Allen in the first place, who also was the first domino falling for the Celtics that convinced KG to come to Boston) which resulted in Perkins' return to the Finals and Green's trip to the operating table with a life-threatening heart condition along with Chris Wilcox, an obvious reversal of the "great luck" originally encountered?
And, what about this year when the Celtics landed Draft-Day-steal Jared Sullinger, thanks to his slide that began with a report that he had a back injury that might require surgery later in his career? Well, he actually ended up needing surgery and...uh...umm...okay, I got nothing there.
Now, I may still be delirious from my bout with cabin-fever after "THE BLIZZARD OF 2013!", but I can tell you that there is some seriously hard evidence that proves the theory that someone on the Celtics...perhaps Danny Ainge...maybe Doc Rivers...Hell, even some of the players might be in on this dalliance with the Devil.
Brace yourselves, people...this is some seriously sinister stuff.
A few weeks ago, the Celtics won six games in a row conspicuously, after a dismal stretch of basketball, right (yeah, yeah, I know...Avery Bradley...savior...blah blah blah)? Then they went on to LOSE six in a row. And then...inexplicably after losing Rondo and Sullinger for the year, they go on to WIN six in a row again! Does anyone see the obvious and alarming pattern here?!?! No? Well here it is:
Six wins followed by six losses followed by six wins...666!!! The mark of The Beast! Beelzebub!! Satan! The Destroyer!!
Oh...wait, now...WHAT? The Celtics beat the Nuggets last night?!? On Grammy night?!? In triple overtime?!!?!!! That's SEVEN wins in a row? And, they just lost to the Bobcats?!? The Bobcats??!!?!! So, now, the totals are 667 and 1??!?!
Yes!! Yes, sportsfans...this really happened! After continuous (and mostly negative) comparisons to Paul Pierce as in "Jesus, Jeff...you're the new Paul Pierce, for Christ's sake!! You have to start being our go-to guy!!", Mean Jeff Green threw up the middle finger to haters everywhere and sank the game winner right in LeBron's face!
