Meet Ray Felton: Member Of The New York WhinyBabies

So, Ray Felton of the New York Knicks is bent out of shape about the preseason predictions of a certain sports media empire located in Bristol Connecticut? Somebody get this guy some warm milk, footie pajamas and a reassuring hug, STAT!

Seriously, Ray?

At least Kobe Bryant had the sense to give his team's lowered expectations the royal "Harhummmph!" and move on. And HE's got a problem or two to contend with that you and your mates don't.

Kobe's completely dysfunctional and disjointed team imploded well before he ever blew a tire and ended his season. Then, his team lost their franchise supersized summer rental after he beat town following a constant barrage of negative comments from teammates, fans and media alike. In his Felton-short time in L.A., Dwight Howard was constantly berated and belittled by Kobe (okay, the incessantly immature Dwight Howard clearly deserved those size 14 "Black Mambas" up his @$$, I won't argue that...), even as he dealt with a nagging shoulder injury for much of the season. Add to that the uncertainty around a rapidly degenerating Steve Nash, Cottonelle center Pau Gasol and the aforementioned Achilles tendon injury and your problems seem to disappear faster than a New York Minute in comparison.

 
And, yet...even still...the Lakers look to be potentially more competitive than your notch-above-borderline-mediocre squad. They've added some interesting pieces in the wake of the L.A. Dwightmare to the point that you have to think a healthy Kobe Bryant (as much as it may pain me to say so) might be able to drag them to the postseason and make some modest noise.

So, you think your team is entitled to a higher ranking than #5 on the completely speculative and meaningless preseason "Predictometer?"

Ray....Ray, Ray, Ray...

It took your team six games to win a first round matchup with a Boston team leaning hard on two "old" stars in the absence of its best and most critical Playoff performer in Rajon Rondo -- not to mention being saddled with a gaggle of other injuries to important players like rookie phenom Jared Sullinger and sparkplug Leandro Barbosa! And then you went down in the second round with just two wins to show for it!

So...what....you want to be slotted for the Finals now that you have the ancient Metta World Peace Ron Artest eating up a roster spot? Are you (rhymes with "trucking") kidding me?!?!

You want angst? Try having your general manager take a keg of dynamite to your team and losing two Hall Of Fame players in the process to make way for a full rebuild and then tell me about how unfair it all is. Granted, it had to happen and really, I'm doing quite well with it all now...(happy place...happy place...), but...still.

And, since we're talking about Felton and his New York WhinyBabies...

He recently spoke to that very same mega sports network that rhymes with "We Guess The End," and spent the majority of this other interview trying to convince everyone that he doesn't care about Paul Pierce's statement calling for the Nets to begin running New York.

Memba Dis?!!

Here's a little piece of his ardent indifference:

"They will never take over the city. Because we've got 'New York' on our chest," Felton said Sunday. "They've got 'Brooklyn' on their chest, and we've got 'New York.' They'll never take over the city." 

And...

"He's just trying to talk, talk, talk, to fuel the rivalry, which is good. I love it," said Felton, who laughed when asked about Pierce's comments. "I think it's good for us, it's good for the whole state, it's good. So, whatever -- I love it." 

But, then...

"I don't really pay no attention to what Paul is saying," added Felton, who was at St. John's University at a clinic for Big Brothers Big Sisters of New York City. "I hear about it, but I don't pay it no attention. It's all fun and games to me."

So, which is it, Ray? Are you actively challenging and being deeply offended by Pierce's assertion that the Nets will run New York? Do you think that it's a good thing and all it is, is The Truth being The Truth? Or do you not pay it any mind at all?

You know what I think, Ray? I think you have no idea what the (rhymes with "duck") you're talking about. And, you sound pretty dazed and confused, so -- barring your ingestion of actual mind altering substances -- you may be in need of some kind of attention, medical or otherwise.

I think I'm going to call you a wambulance.

You're welcome.

"Kevin Garnett: Straight-Up Nuts Or Crazy Like A Boxer?" or "Deep Impact: Kevin Garnett Pioneers Trend Down Low"

I don't know about you guys, but I love watching the copycats come meowing out of the alleyways when someone popular or influential does something that gets noticed, and then everybody tries to follow their lead acting as if they were the ones who originated "The Cool."

Well, I'm here to make sure that one of my favorite players and one of the greatest Celtics of all-time gets his proper due as the winner, trendsetter and creative genius that he is.

Kevin Garnett has long been recognized as one of those true superstars of the game who come along only once in a blue (and green?) moon and do SO many things in such a way that they become prototypical for players at their position for years to come. He's redefined the job specs for Power Forwards in the League, infusing the spot with a versatility and ferocious brand of defense heretofore unseen in such a lean, mean package. And now, as he has been for the past couple of years, KG is on a mission to try and conquor the Center position as well, even at the (by NBA standards) advanced age of 36.

Standing now on the precipice of yet another defining moment, the proper kudos should be given to KG for the latest in-game fad that, while he didn't exactly introduce it to the League, has garnered its share of attention as others have begun utilizing it with the kind of flair and confidence that could only have been nurtured by watching a star of KG's caliber execute it to perfection.

But, what is this painfully primal practice to which I am referring? Why, I'm talking about that timeless crunching classic, that surefire shot, that tried-and-true tapper so popular that it has not only propelled the program America's Funniest Home Videos to the pinnacle of pugilistic pageantry making them the grand high kings of comedic culture, it has also enabled them to celebrate an amazing (and some might say agonizingly achieved) milestone (more on this later) recently. I speak, of course, about the act and the art of hitting, slapping or punching another human male "where the sun don't usually shine."

The art of the Nutcracker -- or Junkshot, if you will -- has made a crushing comeback on NBA courts around the country this season and, if this lake is traced back directly to its tributary, one can only end their noble journey at the feet (and hand) of that Celtic trailblazer (now THAT'S an oxymoron if I ever heard one!) The Big Ticket himself. Or had you forgotten his magnificent marble masher against Phoenix Sun Chandler Frye back in 2011?

Now, I know what some of you are thinking: "If Garnett is such a trendsetter, why did it take so long for the 'Sack Snap' -- or Oyster Shooter, if you will -- to catch on?" My answer to you is: "I. Don't. Know."

The best that I can assume is that, like many transformative trends, it took a while to catch fire, much as the hot of-the-moment fashions of Paris eventually find their way to Los Angeles and New York months later (and to the middle states a few years after that); like old sitcoms -- "Everybody Loves Raymond," for instance -- that trickle over time to the likes of Sweden years later as "Alla älskar Raymond" or something of that nature, so, too does the inherent genius of a player of Garnett's ilk take its time to marinate and flavor the NBA like a nice, juicy steak.

Scoff you may, but this ball-busting trend seems to be swelling by the day. Remember this special Christmas delivery from DeMarcus Cousins to O.J. Mayo back in December?

And, most recently, taking the trend to a new high...er, low...shot-blocker turned *ock-socker Serge Ibaka of the Oklahoma City Thunder practiced against the privates of the league's top ball-slammer Blake Griffin of the Los Angeles Clippers:

The NBA has fined Oklahoma City’s Serge Ibaka $25,000 for striking Blake Griffin of the Los Angeles Clippers in the groin area.

The incident, which was called a Flagrant Foul 1 on the floor and upgraded to a Flagrant Foul 2 upon league office review, occurred with 1:52 remaining in the fourth quarter of the Thunder’s 108-104 win over the Clippers on Sunday, March 3 at Staples Center.

The announcement was made by Stu Jackson, NBA Executive Vice President, Basketball Operations.

-- HoopsWorld.com

Ouch.

In fact, this trend is becoming such a hit that some of the game's most notorious...ahhh...ball-busters are lamenting the fact that they're perhaps too late to the party:

Now, you KNOW that if a guy like Matt Barnes wishes he could do it, it MUST be bad@$$!

And, just think about the marketing possibilities that abound for players if the "Whack-A-Sack" becomes a signature move in the NBA: protective groin cups will make a comeback, opening up yet another revenue stream for endorsement-hungry players -- "Hi, my name is LeBron James and I'm a professional basketball player for the Miami Heat. I'm committed to helping my team win not just one Championship, so I don't have time to be laying on the court tucked into the fetal position crying like a little b*tch after some lower-level @$$hole takes a swipe at the 'Little King.' That's why I wear (insert cool new protective groin cup company here)."

Maybe they can turn those hot magnetic bracelets into a waist chain that helps build a force field that protects "what lies beneath," or on the offensive side, maybe they can sell wrist workout tapes designed to help you build the strength and stamina needed to pull off the proper "*ick flick." Back again to prevention, maybe they could market a new kind of "Icy Hot" geared specifically for the nether-region that renders the vulnerable area sensation-free in the event of a "Sack Attack." This may even come in handy for many players who tend to -- how should we say? -- "give the fans what they want" which can sometimes lead to a severe case of "brain strain," if you will.

But, of course, just as any popular trend will tend to produce scores of supporters, so too, do they attract members of the "No-Fun Brigade" who are always eager to step up to try and throw a cold, wet blanket over the entire proceeding:

I guess, in the end, it's probably for the best. After all, as the saying goes, the best are often imitated but never duplicated and I firmly believe that none of these "Weed Wackers," if you will, will ever be able to hold a candle to a true original like KG. Besides, if the NBA "Number Crunchers," if you will, keep going at this clip, guys like Tom Bergeron -- host of the above referenced America's Funniest Home Videos -- will eventually have nowhere to store all of that footage...

While he, of course, noted with a laugh that in the 500^th episode “they’ll be a lot more people falling down and doing ridiculous things,” Bergeron also revealed there would be another milestone for the show that same night: the 1,000,000 groin shot.

No, perhaps we should just put this topic on ice, let the burning questions cool and recede after one last hand for Kevin Garnett, and take the knee on this one...

R.I.P. Jerry Buss

News came this morning that Laker owner Jerry Buss died today due to complications related to cancer.

The owner of the LosAngeles Lakers since 1979, Buss quickly became the most revered and successful steward of any West Coast team, presiding over "Showtime" and teams featuring the likes of Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Magic Johnson, James Worthy and later, Kobe Bryant and Shaquille O'Neal.

NBA.com described him this way:

Few owners in sports history can even approach Buss' accomplishments with the Lakers, who made the NBA finals 16 times through 2011 during his 32 years in charge, winning 10 titles between 1980 and 2010. The Lakers easily are the NBA's winningest franchise since he bought the club.

Though his teams were bitter rivals of my one and only Celtics, taking the title from them on numerous occasions since his arrival, he was one of the things that made the battles that much more exciting. Much respect due, Mr. Buss. R.I.P.

Hookin' Up Facials, & Rimshots & Throwdowns...

Gettin' It Started 
-- As Always --
With One Of The Game's Most Emphatic Dunkers

This week, Conjunction Dunktion plays catch-up with a couple of early-season Big Ticket tear-downs, some Christmas thunder from The Truth, and season highlights from that emphatic dunker himself, Jeff Green.  

But we couldn't run the first "C.D." of the year without including a pair of "Did you see that!?!? specials from around the NBA that are so hot, they must have come straight from Jam-aica! Get your green popcorn ready, turn up the volume and enjoy!

The Baseline Of Truth

Holiday Hammerings

Howlin' At The Hoop

A Big Ticket To All That Jazz

Big "D"struction

Christmastime Crusher

And now... the rest of the NBA...

Word To Your Mamba

Mr. Smith Goes To Smashington